I am incredibly saddened to say that my dear friend, Lucinda Clark, lost her decade's long battle with cancer today. While I know she is in Heaven with her Redeemer, Lord, and Heavenly Father and no longer is suffering, the world is a much dimmer place without her in it. She was such a fighter. Incredibly courageous. A true force to be reckoned with. When we talked toward the end, in true Lucinda fashion, she asked about me and my battle and about how she wished she could be here for me during this time. Such a selfless soul.
I love this photo of Lucinda and Jadyn because it shows how much she loved and was loved by her students. Jadyn was escorting her as the mother of the bride in his friends', Triniti and Simon's wedding. Triniti's mother was not able to participate, and it did not surprise me one bit that Triniti asked Lucinda to fulfill that honor. That's the kind of teacher she was. She loved and was so loved by her students. The look on Jadyn's face says it all. That is pure love.
Lucinda was such a godly woman. She shared the love of God across cultures and taught her students to do the same. You didn't have to listen very long before you heard just how much her Savior meant to her. She reflected so many attributes of God that one could not help but see the resemblance to her Heavenly Father and know she was His child.
Oh how I will miss you, Lucinda. I will miss your smile, your laughter, your spirit. I will miss our conversations, even when they had to be by text because you were too weak to talk. I will miss your being in my life.
My struggles pale in comparison to that of Lucinda's, but she would be the first to tell me to keep with the reason for my blog, so I am posting them anyway.
Dr. Freaky Starchild is not invincible. The side effects of chemo are starting to catch up to me, but they are not the ones I have been expecting. The first started with last week's Avastin. I was singing normally on the way to chemo that morning. That evening, I was going to practice a song, and something happened with my voice that was strange and had never happened before. I literally could feel the air blowing differently across my vocal cords. It was like rubbing cotton on a file. That's the best way I can describe it. Shredded. And that's how my voice sounded. I coughed, took a drink of water, and tried again. Same thing. That's when I thought, "Oh no." I looked at my medication sheet and sure enough, "change in voice" or dysphonia is a side effect. I was hoping it would improve with the med being only every other week, but it hasn't. I sat in the bathtub, praying and weeping. This broke me. I tried singing Sunday at church. It started out ok but soon I had to stop. My upper register is gone. Most of the time, my lower register is as well. My speaking voice is hoarse and weak. Singing means so much to me, especially singing in the choir at Geyer Springs. I just don't know what I will do. Wait. Yes I do. I will endure. I will strive to have a character more like my Father. And I will have hope.
Last night and today, another side effect started. I could feel the neuropathy in my fingers. It comes and goes. Then when I tried to drink something cold, it felt like needles stinging my throat. I knew cold liquids could be a problem, but I thought that was with increasing nausea. I did not know it would be like this. So, all of my drinks had to come out of the refrigerator to be room temperature. It was painful to my hands to even hold them while I moved them. So now they live on my dryer. Perfectly sane place for drinks, right?
When my friend, Becca, told her husband about my tree yesterday, he immediately said, "We have nothing planned, so we're going to help." Becca, David, and their son, Levi, showed up at my house ready to help Jadyn start on this massive near 40-year-old Bradford Pear tree that pooped the bed in my yard. My high school friend, Lisa, also showed up. They worked and got about half of it cleared. It was so hard for me to watch them and not help. I did manage to drag 2 branches to the pile before Becca spotted me and made me go inside. While I am so incredibly blessed with such amazing friends, it hurt me to the core to not help. As my friend, Mary, said, "Julie, it is time for you to receive." That is so hard, as I know it would be for many of you because you have been so giving to me. You all have a servant's heart.
I feel so broken, and it's because I am physically. My physical body is broken, and the treatment to try and repair it is tough. I know the cumulative effect will be even tougher. I pray that God renews my strength and spirit every day. I pray that God keeps me determined to fight. I pray that God empowers me to live each and every day to the fullest, wringing every bit of life out of however long He determines I have. I pray that God gives me the patience through this that Pastor Dave Hughey spoke about on Sunday in our series on James. "Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand" James 5: 7-8. Yes, Father, please strengthen my heart as I wait on You.
Julie, I too am so saddened by Lucinda's passing. I can only imagine how her face lit up the moment she saw Jesus. There will be long days and longer days, but remember to take it one step at a time. Prayers continue sweet friend.