A Prayer, a Plan, a Port, and a Pool

Another pool pic?! Yep! Time by the pool with my son is my reward, and I earned it today. So, yes, another pool pic. Lately, I've been having a sharp pain in my right side. Of course, I did not want to assume it was just scarring or something simple. Not assuming is a good thing, right? Perhaps not when your thoughts run away to dark places like mine did this weekend. I found that all I could do was pray, "God, I don't want to die and leave my son alone." Tears soaked my pillow as I just prayed that over and over. I tried to hang on to Philippians 4 and focus on thoughts that were excellent and worthy of praise, but I must report that I lost the battle this time. When I started focusing on what I was grateful for, my son, Jadyn, was at the top of that list, and my prayer started again. My strength failed. I know to expect bad days, and parts of this past weekend certainly were one of those. The good thing is both doctors confirmed it was pleurisy and would ease up on its own in time.

Today I saw Dr. Baltz and then Dr. Marotti. The plan is coming more into focus. They are hoping I can have the one "big" iron infusion rather than 4-5 infusions like was discussed last week. I am waiting to hear about this. Chemo will start on Monday, June 12. I will have the chemo attached and carry it around in a fanny pack kind of thing. It will be detached on Wednesday, and I will be given fluids. I may go back on Friday for fluids. Then the next Monday, I will be given Avastin. The main side effect I will have to contend with is diarrhea. I can deal with that, even though something tells me this won't be your regular Hershey squirts. Oh well, I'll contend with that when I experience it. Can't really prepare for that anyway. The PET scan and brain MRI will be scheduled soon. I will admit, hearing "brain" kind of freaked me out a little. Again, nothing to worry about because worrying won't change a thing. Yes, I still pray, but the desperation prayer of this past weekend has eased.

After I saw Dr. Baltz, Jadyn and I drove over to my appointment with Dr. Marotti. I am healing well from surgery, and I have no dietary restrictions anymore! He said in one more week I can start working out cautiously again. I was so glad because going to the gym and working with Michael helps keep me in a good head space. We've schedule for my port to be placed next Tuesday, May 30. Yes, another surgery, but this is a minor outpatient procedure, and having a port will help me so much.

Jadyn has been my rock. When we left Dr. Baltz's office, he could tell I was troubled. I told him I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed. He assured me that I could be as quiet as I needed, and when I was ready to talk, he would listen. I knew my son had broad shoulders, but they are getting broader every day. My precious boy has grown into a man on whom I can rely and depend. As soon as he heard that I had no dietary restrictions, he said, "Now, I'm going to fix you a steak, and you are going to start building your blood back up and strengthening your body." I changed into my swimsuit and went to the pool while my son put the steak in the sous vide. He met me at the pool, and we talked a bit. He is so calming, and his faith is strong. We have had some great conversations by that pool, and I look forward to many more. It has become a place of solitude and peace.

The steak was fabulous, by the way.