God's Preparation for Me: Emotionally and Spiritually

"For we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

AMEN AND AMEN AGAIN!!!

I have had to combine the emotional and spiritual preparation because, honestly, I do not know how I can separate them and do them each justice because they are so intertwined. I have tried to outline this in my mind, but when I do, I just keep jumping from one thing to another because MAN! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

I will try to start with the emotional preparation but fasten your seatbelts and keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times because ain't no telling where this will go!

Emotionally. Let's start 2 years ago. Grief so deep and dark with our losing Dave. In one month, Jadyn and I went from having a strong father/husband to being without him. That was the saddest place I had ever been in my life, even after losing both parents. But that started us on a journey that God had in store for us. ALL things work together for good. Not all good things; ALL things. And our losing Dave is no exception, because this is what brought Jadyn and me back to Geyer Springs First Baptist Church. (See how the emotional and spiritual are so intertwined?)

Jadyn and I were shells of ourselves, clinging to each other to stay afloat in the turbulent sea that our life had become. Easter of 2021, we went back to GSFBC. As soon as the service was over, I went down to the choir to see my dear friend, Pam Smith. Jon Skelly, our wonderful worship pastor, took me in a big side hug and said my old place in choir was waiting for me whenever I wanted to come back. That Wednesday I did. I must admit, I was very anxious and thought about going right back home because I didn't know if anyone would remember me, but I went in anyway. I am so glad I did! It was the family I had been missing. That was my lifeline back into serving God.

Time passed, and we both began to heal. We came to enjoy life again. We had so many friends, old and new, and were both experiencing new friends being added to our lives regularly. We went on a mission trip to the Amazon River in July 2022 and met even more new friends, me especially. I have lifelong friends from Brazil, from my mission team at Geyer Springs, and from the mission team from Fellowship in Bentonville that I went with in March. Again, emotional and spiritual intertwined. Brazil has become so very precious to me. Keep that in mind for later.

Before I went to Brazil in March 2023, my routine labs showed that I was severely anemic (iron deficient) where they had been normal just 6 months prior. A fecal occult test also was positive for blood in my stool. As my APRN friend, Delisa, said, I had sprung a leak somewhere. My friend and PA, Leah, who knows me very well, told me to go to Brazil because it would be good for my soul, and we would find out what was going on when I got back. So, I went, and I felt great the entire time I was there! Even though I knew something was wrong, it did not affect me while I was there. I had an amazing experience serving the people of the villages of the Amazon River. God provided, and I knew He would continue to provide regardless of what lay in my future. Granted, I thought it was probably an internal hemorrhoid that I popped while lifting weights and it was bleeding, but I knew God would provide. I just had NO CLUE!

I got back from Brazil on Wednesday, March 29, just in time for blocking rehearsals for The Kingdom. What an amazing experience that is! The rehearsals and performances always bring me right into the throne room of my Abba Father. Such a privilege to be a part of that presentation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. AND! BONUS! I got to experience it with Jadyn! He was a Kingdom Kid when he was 9 the very first time I was in The Kingdom, and this year he was a Roman guard my first time back. Wow, God, You are so so good.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Jadyn and I were finally doing well when BAM! This! In our mission team meeting on Sunday, April 16, Adam, our mission pastor, ended the meeting by reminding us that spiritual warfare is real and that satan will do everything he can to keep this team from serving in Brazil. Then Thursday, April 20, I found out what my battleground was. I NEVER DREAMED it would be a tumor paritally obstructing my colon and probably cancer! I began praying right then for God to just use this as part of my and Jadyn's testimonies to the glory and sovereignty of God. And, yes, I prayed that He would make a way for me to go to Brazil in July.

This past Sunday, April 23, our executive pastor Jason Miller brought the message, continuing with the study of the book of James that Pastor Dave Hughey had begun the week before. WOW! It was God speaking directly to me!

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

James 1:2-12

I have been that doubter. I know it's that whole "professing themselves to be wise, they became fools" thing. I've been there, done that. I'm not proud of it at all, but this is no time to worry about my pride being bruised. I throw it out there for everyone to see, and hopefully someone will learn from my foolishness. I pray for the Lord to increase my faith, and He does every time. This time, I have no doubts. God has prepared me in ways that I had no idea what He was intending. "Even when I don't see it You're working. Even when I don't feel it You're working. You never stop--You never stop working. You never stop--You never stop working. WAYMAKER!"

Speaking of Waymaker, dig this! So it's Tuesday, and I still have not heard from the surgeon to whom I was referred, even after calling his office on Monday. I get it. They are busy. I have no ill will or bad regard at all! Why? Because God. I got to work this morning and received a text from a dear church friend, Sharon Barker. She asked if I had a surgeon and if not, she wanted to recommend Dr. Marotti. She mentioned surgeries of people's he had done, two of whom I knew and knew they were doing quite well. As soon as I walked out of my office, I was met by our APRN, Tammy, and our Psych APRN, Delisa. They asked when my surgery was. When I told them I still had not heard, they were incredulous! Now, hang onto your seat because this will knock you out of it. Tammy said, "Doc, I was a nurse in DR. MAROTTI'S clinic for 7 years. Let me make one phone call." BAM! I have an appointment TOMORROW AFTERNOON!!! I have been praying for God to send me to the right person and the right place, AND GOD SHOWED OUT ONCE AGAIN! All the way home, I sang the song, "Bondade de Deus" which is the Português version of "Goodness of God." "Your goodness is running after, it's running after me." Oh, Father, yes. Your goodness has been running after me my whole life and still runs after me, before me, around me, through me, and back after me again.

I could go on and on about the amazing God I have. He hasn't chosen to deliver me from this, but I know that He will deliver me through it. I know that this will be just another part of the amazing testimony Jadyn and I have about the glory and sovereignty of our God. And, I cannot wait to share it--INCLUDING with the people in the villages of the Amazon River in July! I am claiming that!

Someone reading this may not understand my excitement and astonishment at what God is doing. You may think that I am crazy for bragging on a God who is allowing me to go through this health issue, whether it is cancerous or not. You may not have a personal relationship with God, and you may not want one because you're probably thinking why would you want to worship a God who would allow such things in your life. I get that, but please, hear me out. You may know of Him, but you don't KNOW Him. It's not about saying all the right words or doing all the right things. It's about belief. It's about hearing the God of the universe calling out to you, seeking you, wanting to have a personal relationship with YOU. It's about realizing that we could not have that relationship on our own. It's about realizing that Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sins. We never could be deemed righteous, that is why we have to be redeemed. If you are that person, if you are feeling a longing that you cannot describe, that is God calling you to Him. Just pray. Ask me. Ask a friend. Contact one of the pastors at Geyer Springs or a church of your choosing. Just, please, don't ignore this. Listen to the calling of God, become a part of my spiritual family, and then you will understand just why I am so insanely excited about what God is doing in my life. It is the peace that passes all understanding, and that peace only comes from God. To have the peace OF God, you must be at peace WITH God. Don't wait. Listen to Him now and respond to His calling YOU.