Here We Go Again...

It has been 2 years and 2 months since Dave died, and Jadyn and I have adjusted to our new lives without him. We were both settling in and enjoying life until BAM! We are dealt another blow.

In February, my routine labs showed that I was severely anemic. I was iron-deficient, and blood was detected in my stool. In August, my labs were normal. So, as one of my APRN friends said, "You've sprung a leak somewhere." After talking with my friend/PA, Leah, we decided to look into what was wrong after my mission trip to Brazil in March 2023. (That's another series of posts altogether.)

On Thursday, April 20, 2023, I had my colonoscopy. I knew something was wrong during the prep when bright red blood was in the bowl. I honestly thought I had an internal hemorrhoid that was bleeding, probably because of the weight lifting and especially the weight I was moving on the leg press (personal best of 826 pounds, thank you very much!). I was not expecting to hear what I did.

Dr. Matthews, my gastroenterologist, said that I had a large mass in my colon that had ulcerated. My colon was partially blocked, and in fact they could not finish the colonoscopy because they could not get the scope to pass the lesion. "Most of the time, these are malignant. We're referring you to a surgeon."

Malignant?! Wait what?! But I'm feeling better than I have in years! Did he just say MALIGNANT?! I read the report. Yep, that's what he said, appeared malignant.

Just two years ago we lost Dave and now this?! God, what is up?! Can't we have time to catch our breath and just live?! Besides, we have a mission trip to Brazil in July! I don't have time for this mess!

Well, God thought otherwise...

So, now, I am waiting to hear from the surgeon to see what and when the next step is. I assume they will want to get to this quickly, so it does not become a full-blown bowel obstruction requiring emergency surgery. At least that's what I want.

You know Adam, our mission pastor, told us in our meeting just Sunday (4/16/23) to prepare for spiritual warfare because satan does not want us to serve the people of the Amazon River. Boy was he right on target! I just was not expecting to be this battleground!

As I go into yet another of life's adventures, here are my specific prayer requests:

1. That Jadyn will be ok and thrive regardless of what happens

2. That the tumor is benign

3. If it's not, that it's contained and the cancer hasn't spread

4. If it has spread, that the treatments do not interfere with my going to Brazil

5. That the colostomy bag that I probably will have is very temporary

6. That I can go to Brazil on the mission trip in July

7. That our testimony may help someone

I chose the photo of my tattoos for a reason. I believe starting starting two years ago working with the best personal trainer, Michael Olivella at Anytime Fitness in Malvern, God has been preparing me physically, emotionally, and spiritually for this fight. The tattoo on my left forearm says, "Suffering Endurance Character Hope" from Romans 5:1-5. I was able to use my tattoo while counseling a woman in a village on the Amazon River, one of the reasons why I got it. Now, I am using it to remind me to have hope that God is working all things together for good. The tattoo on my right forearm reads, "Sempre Tenha Esperança"which is Português for "Always Have Hope". Yes, I used it on the mission field, and now it is reminding me to not give up.

I cannot begin to imagine what Jadyn is going through. He lost his dad 2 years ago, and now his mom is probably facing a battle with cancer. That young man has been through so much. He most definitely is no longer a child. He is a full-grown man who has faced pain few his age has experienced. And now I will have to rely on him. I can't begin to express how much I hate to say that. I know he will be amazing; I just wish he did not have to be.

Son, I ain't going anywhere yet...