Tests...Tests...Tests

Last Wednesday, September 13, 2023, I had an abdominal MRI to determine how effective the surgery, ablation, and treatments have been. I didn't have "scanxiety" about it at all. I knew worrying about it wouldn't change a thing about the results and would just rob me of my peace. This morning (9/18/23) when the nurse put the results on Dr. Baltz's desk, I promptly got up and read the report. I'm going to share the impressions and part of the findings:

IMPRESSION:

New cryoablation defect in the lateral aspect of the right hepatic lobe with expected posttreatment changes. No evidence of residual local disease. No new hepatic lesion identified.

FINDINGS:

The spleen, pancreas, adrenal glands, kidneys, abdominal aorta, IVC, and visualized GI tract are within normal limits.

That's right! You can call me NED! NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!!! All cancer that can be seen has been removed with the surgery and the ablation. Nothing else has grown. My chemo is preventative to kill cancer at the cellular level, so this is why it is for 2 years as of now. I see no reason that will change. The side effects are the price of life, and I am happy to pay it. PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!

Test #2

Have you ever read a passage of scripture that you have read maybe 100 times before but part of it jumped off the page at you? Yeah, I had that happen today. I turned to James chapter 1 to read about counting it all joy, and another phrase slapped me in the face (in a "WAKE UP!" kind of way). Here's James 1:2-4, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

FOR YOU KNOW THE TESTING OF YOUR FAITH!!! That's why I have been feeling like this spiritually. My faith has been tested! While I've known this, today it hit me at a whole new level. This whole journey has been a test of my faith. I have epically failed at times, but I have triumphed at others. The main thing that has come out of this journey is a renewed sense of wanting to study and pray more, of wanting to know God more closely. I have read the Bible, read books, completed Bible studies, listened to podcasts, and prayed (especially my bathtub prayers). I have talked with God like my Papa God (Abba Father) and as my Sovereign Lord. I have learned that, like Eve, I too have wanted to be like God and have pursued those incommunicable attributes that are only His, namely sovereignty and self-reliance. So, I've focused more on those communicable attributes that I need to develop across the board. I've recognized how all of this has added to my sanctification, and this can certainly come with growing pains. I am allowing myself to recognize fruit that I have borne and that this is not a prideful or arrogant thing but a realization that Jesus worked through me to bear the fruit. Finally, I have experienced such sweet fellowship with other believers, developed friendships with people I had previously just known, and all of that would not have happened had it not been for having cancer and choosing to process my journey in very public and painfully honest way.

Count it all joy? Absolutely! No, I'm not happy that I have cancer. That would be weird and as we psych folks say, "That's diagnostic right there." The joy is in what all God has done during this time. I rely on Him to direct my life every moment of every day. I recognize that the trials I fail usually are the ordinary, everyday things that happen and not the big "Oh help me Lord!" trials that one would think.

My prayer is and always has been that God would choose to use my journey and my blog to reach others so that He would be glorified. That is what brings me true joy.